Since I was young, I’ve always had ambitions. I’ve always had dreams, goals, and hopes for myself and my life. The older I’ve gotten, the further away those dreams seem to drift. Most times, I feel like I’ve lost sight of the dreams that used to be in the forefront of my mind. It pains me that I have to search the depths of my soul to recall the dreams that I once held so dear, and I have to convince myself that it’s not too late to revisit them.
I’ve always loved the ocean. I’ve loved the life, the mystery, the history, and the science of the sea for as long as I can remember. When I would go to the library in elementary school, I remember checking out books on shipwrecks and pirates, fish and sunken treasure. There’s always been this fascination in my mind that has drawn me to the coast, and I’ve let myself forget that passion as I’ve dealt with life over the past few years.
Every time I think about going back to school for my Masters degree in marine biology, or going fishing in the gulf stream, or even just sitting on the sand and absorbing the salty sea air, I get an overwhelming feeling of nostalgia. The five years I spent in school for my B.S. in marine biology were both the best and worst five years of my life. I loved my classes and my friends. I loved my professors and the work I was doing outside of the classroom. I did not love my personal life.
I think it’s high time that I kick my butt back into gear. If I could complete my degree while I was struggling outside of school, why can’t I do it now when my life is so much more in order? I bought a GRE study book. I have a plan. I have a list of professors that I’d like to work with. I know where I want to be.
I’m ready to feel that passion again. I want to feel that drive and enthusiasm about my future. I want to do something for me to better my future. I owe myself that, I think. I owe myself that, I know.
I found a lot of my old writing. I used to write when I felt emotions that I couldn’t outwardly express. I don’t do that anymore. (I probably should). Finding some of the poems really hit me hard, and made me realize just what I’ve been neglecting for a while now. I’m a real person – a true person. But I can’t be truly myself without following my dreams. That’s exactly what I intend to do. That’s what I need to do. For me.
The sea of hope captures my dreams
that sail away in the blue depths of a world long forgotten
As the wind pushes my dreams
farther and farther out onto the sea,
I lose sight of the home I’ve known so well.
As I swim to chase the dreams
that the sea of hope has so cruelly taken away from me,
I see only my life before my own eyes.
My dreams escape into the darkness
that is illuminated by the soft glow
of the rising moon.
As I chase my dreams into the blue night,
I am captured by the sea of hope…
And I follow the stream of light that the sea so gently caresses…
And into the darkness I swim,
as the sea of hope captures my dreams
and my soul.
Photo creds: Ashton LeighAnn